Date:  Fri Nov 16, 2001  3:24 pm
Subject:  Encina Update (etiquette/football/homecoming/ralph bonds/siblings/rea/johnson/bios/obituaries/humor/internet/whats new)

 
 

ENCINA ALUMNI,

There is no sponsor for this weeks update.


ETIQUETTE

A reminder to those of you who post on the class mailing lists.
Please sign your messages. I'm amazed at how many folks think
that everyone will know who they are from their email address.

And when you reply to an update, please do not include the
entire update in your reply to me.


FOOTBALL

Encina lost to Union Mine 18-34 in the last game of the season,
ending up 4-4-1.

Date Team Results

September 7: Mira Loma W 54-20
September 14: Oroville T 22-22
September 28: Highlands W 42-18
October 5: Lindhurst W 44-3
October 12: Mesa Verde L 0-27
October 19: San Juan W 28-20
October 26: Golden Sierra L 14-20
November 2: Colfax L 14-32
November 9: Union Mine L 18-34

Last Saturday I took the family to see women's volleyball between
#3 Stanford and #5 USC (sorry Leslie). Both teams had 1 loss in Pac-10
play with the winner likely to win the Pac-10 title. Stanford prevailed
3-1. Not having seen volleyball in a couple years, I was surprised that
they had switched to rally scoring where sideouts count as points. And
they play the serve if it hits the net and goes over. And they play to
30 points a game. Evidentally they changed rules this year. We had
great seats at floor level in the first row at the net so it was exciting
for the kids to be so near the action.

I taking the family to the Big Game Saturday between Stanford and Cal.
Stanford is still fighting for a good bowl game. Cal is looking for it's
first win and hoping for an upset. With apologies to you Cal grads,
Go Stanford!


HOMECOMING 2001

If you pledged for the homecoming game, I would appreciate it
if you would send in your pledge. Thanks!

We still need help identifying the alumni in photo 522:
http://www.encinahighschool.com/homecoming/homecoming2001/game.htm

Information and pictures for Homecoming 2001 are here:
http://www.encinahighschool.com/homecoming/homecoming2001.htm



RALPH BONDS

This interview of Ralph Bonds by Vice principal Steve Gatewood
appeared in the Bulldog Barks newsletter...

Getting to know...Ralph Bonds

Who said "I think; therefore, I am"? was it a. Thoreau, b. Rousseau,
c. Descartes, d. Voltaire, or e. Franklin? A walking philosopher,
a humanist, the quick wit, and a man of words is our own Ralph Bonds.
Ralph was born in El Paso, Texas at Fort Ringgold. Ralph's father was an
Army military specialist in Horsemanship and trained people to ride. Ralph W
Bonds Sr was also a guard for Headquarters "C" company and Aide to the
Commanding General. Ralph's dad's company was the first troop to liberate
the University of Santa Thomas in the Phillippines. They destroyed the
explosives that were intended to blow up hospitals and the Administration
Building. Mr Bonds Sr received the Outstanding Service medal. He is
currently 82. Ralph says that his father's strongest character quality was
his unquenched desire to see his children's education completed. He skipped
lunch and worked so that his children could participate in school
activities. Ralph's mother, Isaura Vela, was a typist at Fort Ringgold. What
brought Ralph's parents together was their love of family, church, and
education. She was a motivating factor because she was valedictorian of her
high school class. Ralph has one brother, Everett, who is a security officer
in Tacoma, Washington. His sister, Alma Wade, works for the telephone
company, is married and has 4 children. Stephanie, his youngest sister, is
married, studies at the University of Illinois, and has one daughter.

Ralph had a fantastic childhood living in Rio Grande through his 6th grade.
Almost all of the families were related in some way and were "one big happy
extended family". Ralph had two teachers he liked in elementary school. Mr
Zavaleta was funny, creative and included all the kids in activities. Mrs
Blackstone, a 5th grade teacher, made him want to learn everything about
history. She made history come alive. She wrote a book about the town. It
was so encompassing that his community thought it was the beginning of
history in the area. When Mrs. Blackstone died, alumni and students flocked
to the funeral to pay their respect to an outstanding citizen.

After the 6th grade, Ralph's father decided to move to California because
the community didn't have the educational resources to fulfill his dream of
a better future for his children. In 1961, they moved to Garden Grove in
Orange County, one of the most politically conservative communities in
California. It was a lot of fun. In high school, Ralph's two favorite
teachers were Mr Bill Hoganson, a music teacher who taught him band, choir,
keyboard, bass horn, and Mr Harrison, his social science teacher and mentor
figure, who taught him to love American history. He would relate history to
social movements. He loved the study of the Constitution because it is where
our individual liberties are protected. Mr Harrison would always say, "If
you don't know the constitution, you can not make America better." Ralph was
active in student government, and outreach programs as a tutor for at-risk
students. His heroes were Jackie Robinson and Ralph Bunch. He attended
dances and football games because he was president of the Band and student
activities director. He thinks the senior guide program at Encina would have
been very successful at his high school.

Ralph was very involved in church. He was the pianist for his Baptist
church. He went to California Baptist University. He majored in Spanish
literature and music. He had a choice of being a minister or a teacher. He
chose teaching because he wanted to be with all types of people. He
volunteered at the Sherman Institute in Riverside, California working for
the Bureau of Indian Affairs. He decided to join the Army to take advantage
of the GI bill. He played music in the 433rd Army Band and served in Viet
Nam in 4th Infantry Division Army Band. In Viet Nam, he was responsible for
providing moral support. They played Big Band music on stage. In 1968 his
band played for Bob Hope and they were so good that "Down Beat" magazine
wrote an article about them (February 1968). He received the Bronze Star for
meritorious service. Viet Nam also helped him with his leadership skills. He
returned from Viet Nam and went back to school. In 1972 Ralph worked at
Santa Barbara Middle School as a remedial reading and social studies
teacher. He helped establish one of the first ESL programs for Vietnamese
refugees. In 1987, Ralph and his family moved to Sacramento so that his wife
and children could be closer to their grandparents, uncles, aunts, and
numerous cousins.

He met his wife, Sharon Hopkins, while opening an account in the Santa
Barbara National Bank and Trust - New Accounts. "I walked in and made a life
investment." They dated for 3 years. Sharon would always complain that all
of their dates were always on Sundays. Being in graduate school and highly
involved in Church activities were no excuse. They shared a love of poetry
and music. Robert Frost, Stanley Kurnitz, and Robert Lowell were their
favorite poets. "The Road Less Traveled" was Ralph's favorite poem because
of the theme of giving up comfort to choose a challenge. His favorite date
was when Sharon was supposed to meet him at a Santa Barbara Park to listen
to a concert and she sat there alone wondering why he was so late when all
of a sudden, he appeared on stage and sang a love ballad. Ralph explained to
the audience what he had done and they applauded him as he sat in the
audience with Sharon. He still remembers the elbow punches he received while
the rest of the concert continued. They have three children: DAvid, 34,
lives in San Diego and teaches at a community college; Jeray, 32, is married
with 3 children and works in retail sales; and Douglas, 31, is a Rock and
Roll musician who plays the bass. He was a member of the Kay and Tenfold
Bands.

Ralph taught at Starr King, Barrett Middle School, and joined Encina in
1995. He loves Encina because of its feeling of community and students. He
also is part of its history because his sister-in-law graduated here along
with several other cousins in the 1970's. Ralph's advice to kids is, "Make
your community better by improving yourself. A community is only as strong
as the people who love it. Encina is my community and I love it."


SIBLINGS

Chris Moser 78 is in contact with:
Ron Shaw 70
Joyce Shaw 73
Marcy Shaw 78
Dusty Shaw 80

Cheryl Petrotta 78 wrote:
Diane Petrotta 69
Cheryl Petrotta 78

Danbar Ogawa 79 wrote:
Danbar Ogawa 79
Iran "Chris" Ogawa 81
Leijane "Luana" Ogawa 82
Shawnn "Kanoi" Ogawa 84

Michael Doran 65 wrote:
Michael Doran 68
Larry Doran 68


BARBARA REA 62 ON CINDY REA 68

Barbara Rea 62 went to New York to watch her sister Cindy Rea 68 run
in the New York marathon...

"My sister Cindy pulled a hamstring and her doctor had some Achilles
problems
so they finished together in 6 hours and 7 minutes. I congratulate all
those
who finished. It amazed me to watch everyone. There were blind people;
people in wheel chairs turning a hand crank; people in wheel chairs going
backwards and using their feet to push them. There were people of all ages,
sizes, from just about every country, at least 35,000 of them. I still
cannot believe what I saw. At one point I stopped at the 24 mile mark. By
then, people were really hurting and about done-in. It was so amazing to
watch them perk up when we would should encouragement to them such as,
"Congratulations, you're almost there! Only two more miles. You can do
it!"
You could literally see their countenance change and they would stand up
straighter and pick up their pace. I am just in awe of each and everyone I
saw.

We saw all the traditional sites, including ground zero which was so
unbelievable that it literally took my breath away. We went into Trinity
Church which is a block away and saw photos of the church all covered in ash
and debris. The church and the cemetery which stands near or on Wall Street
(I can't remember) has been there for many, many years and it still
standing.
One can still see traces of ash in the flowerbed and inside the pews are
covered with plastic and they have either repainted or have done extensive
cleaning.

The people in New York were so friendly and helpful. My sisters and I are
always lost and usually going the opposite direction we should be traveling
because none of us have any clue where we are or which way is north at any
given moment. To make matters worse, my memory is so bad that after I get
directions I think I'll remember but then we have to ask someone else about
a
block later. I have never walked so much in my life and we took the subways
when we weren't walking.

I spent one day in the National Archives in Washington researching my
husband's family. It was amazing to actually handle all the original
military records for his great-grandfather who was in the civil war and the
letters he and his wife wrote in order to get his pension. I spend hours
going through microfilm on the Revolutionary War records and how exciting
when I actually found the person's records being sought. I do know that I
need several days there, not just one day; but that was all I could spare
this trip."


MARK JOHNSON 81

"I wanted to introduce my website to the Encina network:

http://www.transmelodic.com/

This website introduces my latest music recording project "Family Man."
There you can find MP3 files that can be downloaded for free. Because there
are so many Mark Johnsons in the USA, I use the alias "M.J. Lawrence" --
Lawrence is my middle name.

It would make me happy if some Encinians get the chance to take a listen to
this mixture of instrumental and vocalized pop music. Even better, I hope
they will enjoy it.

Mark"


BIOS

PHAYLOTH CHANDAVONG 97

Occupation: Drive Through Shift Leader at Del Taco

Bio: I have been trying to get my AA at Western Career Collage....Only 4
more years to go...yah!!!!!!!! :)

Trivia: I ve gained 75lbs, I am the backup flute player for a rock band, but
part time only you guys I have to go to school....

Friends: Youmalynaleenichandavong....I have lost contact with corn-dog,
angie lubner, christina, jo-el, dan cosgrove....

Hobbies: Playing the band (shrimp chips) come check us out at the elephant
bar......

Kids: I was blessed with a baby boy on halloween, he is an artistic
elbino...

Grade_school: Dyer Kelly

Grade_school_friends: Naleeni

Memorable_teachers: Mrs. Woo and Mrs Begg

Favorite_memory: I lost my virginity on the bus to great america

Story: None that I could share...Although the bus ride was greaaaaat!!!!!


OBITUARIES

These obituaries are courtesy of Kathie Kloss Marynik 67.


DANIEL TWITTY 66/67

Sacramento Bee, April 11, 1968
Pfc. Twitty Is Killed In Vietnam
Pfc. Daniel R. Twitty, 19, son of Mr. and Mrs. Jesse H. Twitty of 3332
Tembrook Drive, has been killed in action in Vietnam. Twitty, a member of
101st Airborne Division, was serving with the First Air Cavalry Division
when he was killed during a mortar barrage Saturday near Khe Sanh, the last
day of the Communist siege there. The 101st is the same division his father
served in as a paratrooper in Europe during World War II. Mrs. Twitty
recalled that when her son completed paratrooper training, his father's
paratrooper wings were pinned to him in graduation ceremonies.
Twitty, who attended Encina High School, volunteered for the draft on
March 8, 1967. He was airlifted to Vietnam on Dec. 14.


RUDOLPH MORRIESE 67

Sacramento Bee, April 27, 1979
CB Equipment Electrocutes North Area Man
The coroner's office reported Rudolph Morriese, 29, accidentally
electrocuted himself in his North Area home on Hood Road while working on
citizen's band radio equipment. His wife told deputies she heard a crash
Thursday afternoon and on entering a special room he had for his radio
equipment, she found him on the floor.
Arden Fire District firemen attempted to revive him. An ambulance took
him to Sutter Memorial Hospital, where he died about a half hour later.
Coroner's deputies said Morriese had burn marks on a thumb and finger. They
are attempting to determine what he touched to be electrocuted.


HUMOR

Student Book Offers a Twisted History 'Coarse'
November 15, 2001 8:04 am EST

By Sarah Tippit

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Experience history from the Stoned Age
to the Blintz Krieg! From Middle Evil Times to the Age of Now, from
the Land of Milk and Chocolate to the Iran Hostess Crisis and the
fall of the Berlin Mall!

Welcome to the wonderful world of "Non Campus Mentis,"
(Workman) a book of mangled moments of Western Civilization
culled from actual term papers and exams of today's "brightest"
students by incredulous college professor Anders Henriksson who,
while grading exams, chose to laugh, rather than cry, at his
students' most egregious mistakes.

History, after all, is nothing more than "the behind of the present,"
according to one student, who aptly added: "This gives incites
from the anals of the past."

The once-mighty British Empire is in a "state of recline. Its
colonies have slowly dribbled away leaving only the odd speck on
the map." Chairman "Moo" has passed away, as has former
President "Franklin Eleanor Roosavelt," and civil rights leader
"Martin Luther Junior" was slain in the 1960s, shortly after making
his famous "If I Had A Hammer" speech.

Hitler, a depressed "Nazi leader of a Communist Germany" who
spurred a huge "anti-semantic" movement through a terrifying
"Gespacho," launched "Operation Barbarella" while the English
"vanely hoped for peas." The war began turning around, though,
when the "Allies landed near Italy's toe and gradually advanced up
her leg.

Hitler ultimately "shot himself in the bonker."

'CRETINALIA HISTORICA'

At its best, the 150-page book "illustrates the ingenious and often
comic ways we all attempt to make sense of information we can't
understand because we have no context or frame of reference for
it," according to Henriksson, chairman of the history department at
Shepherd College in West Virginia. He began compiling samples 20
years ago at the University of Toronto where he also taught.

Shortly after he began his collection, he published an article in the
"Wilson Quarterly" titled "College Kids Say the Darndest Things,"
which prompted amused colleagues at more than two dozen
universities in the United States and Canada including West Point,
University of Alberta and McMaster, to regularly send him their
own inane prose collections. Last year, when he realized his office
overflowed with funny samples of "cretinalia historica" the idea for
a book was born.

While Henriksson declined to identify all the schools involved he
said they ranged from moderately to highly competitive, about half
were in Canada, no Ivy League schools were represented, and
that one of the entries came from Oxford in England.

At its worst, the book may reflect a generation raised in
ignorance by bad schools and disengaged parents.

"This is not the norm," Henriksson told Reuters in an interview.
What you have here is almost 30 years of my collecting from
students' (works) at various institutions. This really represents
sort of the creme de la creme of the creatively inane."

Did he make it up?

"No!" he said. "Who could make this stuff up except Mel Brooks.
I'm not Mel Brooks." Which prompts the question: Should people
sound the alarms and search for an "escape goat?"

Maybe. Hundreds of student contributors received passing grades
with such statements as: "When the Davy Jones Index crashed in
1929 many people were left to political incineration. Some, like
John Paul Sart, retreated into extraterrestrialism. The New Deal
was an idea inspired by Franklin Eleanor Roosavelt."

(The Boston Tea Party, by the way, was held at Pearl Harbor.)

Gravity of the misstatements aside, the bloopers make a great
reference whether one seeks information on the Canadian Missile
Crisis, clashes between Israelis and Parisians, or the Gulf War in
which, according to one scholar: "Satan Husane invaided Kiwi and
Sandy Arabia."

(No doubt an act of "premedication.")

'NEW INCITES'

Henriksson said the errors fall into three major categories. Some
are simply caused by bad spelling or a lack of proofreading, and
come out funny. Some were prompted by a "profound lack of
preparation, while others, just seem to be "really out at sea," he
said.

"You get the ones who don't really even seem to understand
there's a line between past and present and they tell you that the
first airplane was flown by the Marx Brothers. I had this one kid
who wrote that Spartacus led a slave rebellion in ancient Rome
and then appered in a movie about it later."

The book offers fresh new "incites" on history from "prehistoricle"
times through "King Toot" and the birth of "monolithic"
religion.("Judyism had one big God named Yahoo").

The book goes on to "chronicle" the birth of Christianity ("Just
another mystery cult until Jesus was born") and, his
pronouncement, later, that "The mice shall inherit the earth."

The book sheds new light on the lives of Martin Luther (he nailed
95 theocrats to a church door), "Florence of Arabia," and General
George "Custard" who managed to stand up anyway.

("Martian Luther King's" four steps to direct action, by the way,
included "self purification," when you "allow yourself to be eaten to
a pulp.")

In its final pages, the book includes students' geographical
misconceptions as represented on several world maps bearing such
labels as "The Land of Milk and Chocolate" and "Home of Golden
Fleas" (in the Ancient World) to "Bulemia," "Whales," "Roam," the
"Eel of France," and the "Automaton Empire" (as they were known
in the "Middle Evil" Times).

And it notes that, yes, there has indeed been a change in
America's "social seen," over the centuries. The last stage,
according to the book, is "The Age of Now. This concept grinds
our critical, seething minds to a halt."

Until then, however, we Americans, "in all humidity" are nothing
less than "the people of currant times."


INTERNET

You'd be surprised at how many alumni inquire about old flames!

From the November 12, 2001 Wall Street Journal...

Looking for an Old Flame

The Web can be used to find pretty much anything -- or anyone.
When searching for an old flame, proceed with caution

By JOHN BUSKIN

Perhaps you're comfortable typing credit card numbers, medical information
or other personal data into impersonal Web sites. But are you ready to
upload your most personal secrets of the heart? I had an excuse. "I'm
working on an article," I told my wife. "That's why I'm trying to find the
girl I was in love with when I was a teenager."

I was afraid my wife might be hurt. Instead, she burst into laughter. "Can I
send her your picture?" she asked.

Well, even though the sage rock icon Frank Zappa said, "We're all who we
were in high school," I guess not many of us look the same.

But the Web has the supernatural power of a time machine. Decades can
dissolve in the text of fevered e-mails crackling between long-lost lovers
who need not reveal wrinkles, furrows or extra chins. At first blush,
finding one's old flame through the Web holds the promise of improved
posture, leaner muscle tone and the reawakening of youthful possibility --
at least while you remain online.

But before you embark on a Web voyage into your past, stop and think. Can
you bear the excruciating heartache of Dr. Zhivago in his unfulfilled search
for Lara? Can you summon "the romantic readiness" that infused The Great
Gatsby's quest for Daisy Buchanan? Can you sing the Italian stuff in the
middle of "Feelings"? Not everybody's cut out for this.

Some Advice

The Web is a dispassionate tool. It goes about its business calling up pages
with the occasional browser crash and no judgment as to content. We mortals,
however, are made of more fragile stuff. We'll do well to listen to veteran
searchers for past chums or charmers and their warnings about the perils of
selective memory and revisionist history. John Delin, for instance, a Staten
Island, N.Y., Web-zine editor, has vigorously worked the Internet to
reconnect dozens of his baby-boomer high-school contemporaries. His advice:
"Don't get your hopes up. I find people who don't remember anything. Or I
might remember something and be completely wrong."

Visions of the past are ultimately subjective, having evolved to support our
own needs and help us face the present. My idealized relationship might be
remembered by my true love as the slough of her teenage years, a dark era
that is recalled only under deep hypnosis or the administration of truth
serum.

Those are the risks. Now ask yourself another question. Can there be good --
read innocent -- reasons for contacting an old flame? After polling an
unscientific sample of friends (it's not the kind of subject you want to
broach with the stranger on the next bar stool during Monday Night
Football), I believe there can be at least one good reason: It reveals a
vision of the road not taken.

There are many lives to live and you just don't get the chance to live every
one you want to. And, during a period when our society -- like a horror
movie -- is evilly morphing before our eyes, connecting with a past love may
temporarily step on the brakes. Finding your old flame on the Web carries
with it the ability to peg yourself to a moment and stop the clock, mock
mortality.

Sure, some of us are tragically unhappy, unlucky, or obsessively carrying a
torch. I did come across one story about a British executive with a wife and
children who was hunted down on the Web by his first love all the way from
Australia. He left a note for his wife and fled down under. There's
something ominous in that story that makes me think, "Don't look back."
Something else, however, tells me to keep going.

Getting Started

Mr. Delin offers some general tips for beginning a search. He suggests
starting out with online national versions of the white pages, or entering
the person's name in popular search engines like Google or Yahoo! He also
advises a search of the AOL member directory and the Social Security Death
Index. (Possibly a real time-saver there).

If initial name searches turn up nothing, "do a keyword search, entering the
high school the person attended," he adds. "Put in the word 'reunion.' If a
high-school class has had a reunion recently, there's often a Web site that
has been created as a result. If you know where the person went to college,
e-mail the college. Some colleges have e-mail directories that are public.
Some colleges will contact the person for you. Some even give out
information.

"I found a lot of people that way," Mr. Delin continues, "including at least
one report of death. To find a woman's married name, aside from getting
access to a marriage record, I guess the best way is to contact other people
in the person's class who might know." (For the hard-core searchers, the
high-school die-hards, Mr. Delin rattled off the list of specialized
classmate-search engines that accompanies this article.)

So with that, I was off to the past -- that is, the mid-1960s when I lived
in the Bronx and my girlfriend, Kay, lived on Long Island. We went to
different high schools and I didn't know many of her classmates. In my
memory, our attachment was strong; both romantic and stable. But at 16 we
had few illusions about being together forever. I was a year ahead of her in
school, and after I left for college, the separation -- and my own callow
behavior -- slowly eroded our relationship. The last time we saw each other
was during the summer of 1965.

Not as epic as Rose and Jack on the Titanic? It just takes a paragraph to
tell. But 35 years later, with two teenagers of my own, a happy marriage, an
old golden retriever, two cats and an actual picket fence around a stucco
beauty in the 'burbs, I was still wondering, "What if..."

I'd heard Kay was married, but had no clue to her husband's name. So,
mindful that I was systematically going about invading someone's privacy
with not just my own presence, but with that of vast legions of Wall Street
Journal readers (well, at least yours), I registered at Classmates.com
(classmates.com) -- one of the best-known high-school sites -- and paid the
$29.95 that made me a Gold member for a year. I eventually registered at
most of the other sites also.

Before you can browse through other schools, you have to register within
your own. Looking through the list of my classmates didn't elicit much
curiosity. Mine had been an all-boys school, and I was chasing a memory of a
girl. Following a branching path to Kay's school, however, I got
increasingly nervous. Scrolling through the list of her registered
classmates and waiting for new screens to load was agonizing. I was almost
relieved when her name didn't appear.

One name, though, was familiar -- a friend of hers, to whom I sent a
Classmates "Hi Note" with my e-mail address enclosed and a brief explanation
of what I wanted. (Classmates.com doesn't display e-mail addresses.) Kay's
friend e-mailed me back right away. It's easy to be straightforward when you
have the excuse that you're "writing an article," but she thought it was a
gimmick. Offering to send her clips with my byline somehow sounded phonier
still. The good news was that she had been at Kay's wedding. She knew Kay's
husband was a doctor and that they had moved to Northern California. The bad
news was that she couldn't remember the groom's name.

Full Exposure

The next step was posting a note on the Classmates.com message board of
Kay's school. This time I left off the "I'm-working-on-an-article" bit and
asked whether anyone had information about Kay just because I was curious.
Without the newspaper article excuse, I felt really exposed, like I'd asked
a girl to dance in front of the whole gang. I needn't have worried. After a
month there was no response.

I paid an extra $14.95 for a fruitless search through PeopleFinders, a site
accessible only through its partner sites, including Classmates.com.
PeopleFinders has a "marriage search," which sounds great but it only covers
five states. There are scores of what you might call locate-anyone sites,
but for the most part, they cost money and focus on public databases. An
example, Fast-Track/Cyber Masters Inc., offers the Investigators Kit 2001
for $89. Their intro copy includes search tips and suggested keywords such
as, "Property Records," "Inmate," and "Fictitious Business." Somehow I had
segued from finding past loves to tracking bail jumpers. Maybe this is the
way real private eyes work, but I didn't see it as productive.

Since the assignment was Web-based, I initially ruled making phone calls out
of bounds. Early in my search, though, I had found a phone listing in
Southern California through Yahoo! People Search, one click off their front
page, that sounded like it might be Kay's sister. I held it in reserve and
kept looking strictly on the Internet, but time was passing and I was
getting nowhere. I held my breath and called.

Bingo. Yes, she recalled my name, but I had to fill her in a little. We
agreed that she would call Kay and pass along my e-mail address and phone
number. Then the ball would be in Kay's court.

Mr. Delin's warning had me rattled. I needn't have worried. A few days
later, I clicked open Kay's first e-mail to me:

"Hello! Just heard from my sister that you've been trying to reach me.…Can
you imagine my surprise? Well…it would be great to speak with you. Looking
forward to hearing from you. -- Kay" The note included her phone number. I
was obviously the coolest guy in the world.

Another Life

I called her a number of times, and we had long conversations. Initially, I
tried to throw in lots of newspaper slang to cover my nervousness and to
sound professional so I could ask brash and personal questions -- you know,
for the article. Kay wasn't deterred. She was forthcoming and friendly.

Kay had been leading what sounded like a wonderful life. After we broke up,
she went to Adelphi University in Garden City, N.Y., and earned a master's
in special education. She taught for years, finally becoming the principal
of an elementary school in the Bay Area. She left teaching in the early '90s
and now works at a local art gallery. She and her husband hike and mountain
bike, cook and travel.

There had been sorrows, certainly, deaths in the family, that made her seem
deeper and more real, and added an ironic timbre to her throaty laugh. The
sheer volume of her existence made me feel like an interloper. As we talked,
though, the sound of her voice really took me back to our weeknight phone
calls in high school. For some reason I remembered her old phone number (it
had an 'Ivanhoe' exchange, for those who remember phone numbers with words
in them) and I reeled it off, maybe to impress her with my sincerity. She
seemed shocked and I felt foolish but proud.

We remembered seeing "Charade" on New Year's Eve at Radio City Music Hall,
spooning in the back seat of my family's Chevy Nova, and going to a Peter,
Paul and Mary concert when she visited me during Fall Weekend at college.

Sundays, after dates with Kay when I had to do my homework, I was always a
little off, distracted, in a daze. I felt that way now -- adolescent and
moony. It occurred to me that whatever I wrote would have to be approved by
a wife and husband on either coast, but what the hell. You feel the way you
feel. You're supposed to paint what you see.

Finding Kay didn't answer any great questions, but it was a great thing to
do. It's easy to fob off mating strategies on Darwinian imperatives -- we
pick who we pick for reasons of unknowable biology and cosmic timing. Had
things been reversed, I'm sure rediscovering my wife would be just as moving
and affirming.

I'm not tortured by what might have been. Still, one thing Kay wrote about
searching one's past haunts me: "You shove things to the back of your
mind -- questions, losses -- and then they come back and get stuck in your
throat."

Is there a reason to continue this relationship? On the phone, I'm sometimes
terrified of running out of things to say. We don't share a present so it's
not as if we might launch into a penetrating discussion about, say, the
viability of the euro or the fall TV season. We aren't even certain of each
other's politics, and the tentative nature of our conversations aren't up to
Socratic contentiousness.

But I like talking to Kay on the phone. I don't think it's unhealthy or
sinful, and it's not as if we're going to sneak off from our respective
coasts and meet up at the Joplin, Mo., Marriott. A friend of mine also found
an old flame through the Internet. As they spoke on the phone, they mutually
acknowledged the meaning they'd held for each other and the importance of
moving on. And eventually they said goodbye.

Maybe that moment will come for Kay and me. Who knows?

I'll show this to my wife now to make sure she's OK with it. No article is
worth a good marriage, right? While she's reading it, I can slip out to the
gym. It's a long way back to buff, and I want to be ready.

-- Mr. Buskin is editor of dowjones.net, the intranet for Dow Jones & Co.,
publisher of The Wall Street Journal.


WHAT'S NEW

11/15/01: Bonnie Van Buskirk 62 update, Danbar Ogawa 79, Iran Ogawa 81,
Leijane Ogawa 82, Shawnn Ogawa 84, Manginder Chana 94/bio, Phayloth
Chandavong 97/bio

11/13/01: Sean Colli 86, Pamela Waterbury 87 update, Steve McKellips 77, Ben
McWatters 82, Ron Shaw 70, Joyce Shaw 73, Marcy Shaw 78, Dusty Shaw 80,
Linda Sturdivant 65, Sandy Felker 79, Karen Green 75, Pamela Wenerd 77, Ann
Meredith 66, David Miller 70, Don Schlotz 63 update

classmates.com: Eric Weber 62, Ed Hurff 64, Gary Nibbelink 65, Michael Doran
65, Paul Minor 66, Bill Souza 71, Kristen Withrow 83, Michael Marler 84,
John Carr 88, Krista Cardenas 89, Catherine Przykucki 90, Candy Curtsinger
93, Jo Ann Wurtz 93, Sandra Guerra 95, Cassandra Huapaya 96, Monica
Almendarez 97, Katheryn Mount 97, Brittany Cozad 99, Cassandra Frick 00

11/12/01: Ann Meredith 66, Thomas Dean 67, Pamela Wenerd 77, Diane Petrotta
69, Wendy Onstine 87 update, Tom Puthuff 72

11/11/01: Sunny Pitchell 99 update, Jill Hood 84 update, Lynnelle Lees 72
update, Chantell Abels 89, Marsha Provance 69 update, Youmaly Phothisane 97
update, Roy Colburn 85, Leslie Gier 89 update, Ernie Syck 99


Don't forget to submit your contact information or bio:
contact: www.encinahighschool.com/directory/submit_contact.htm
bio: www.encinahighschool.com/submit_bio.htm


I'm on vacation next week so no update for two weeks.

As you get together with family and friends over the Thanksgiving
holidays, travel safely and spread the word about the Encina
website to your siblings, relatives and alumni...

Harlan Lau '73
Encina HS alumni webmaster
www.encinahighschool.com
harlan@rambus.com